“Memories of sunsets lingered on longer than I expected, longer than I wanted;
Long enough to plant the same feeling from last December, the night confusion swept through the hairs on my skin.
Cold or fear sinks in the same way such that when you’re hit by one, it leaves you with more questions as the other.
Today, I sit indoors still reminiscing _ what could have gone wrong might have only been a matter of perspective, ha!… The lies I tell myself. I knew she was right all along. And I miss her, and I hate myself each time, for missing her more everyday. I hadn’t thought of preparing my heart for such emotional suicide. After all, I was the singular most immune human being to the aftermaths of emotional dead ends . I would never look back after a failed relationship, never!
A year has passed now and I’m still basking in denial.
Fxck yeah, I’m such a dxck, I really did think I could live with her absence. But it saddens me more. I wake up to depressing daylight, and the same old routines even feels like death now all because I had let myself grow into my head.
I couldn’t t accept my faults. They were too easy to be faults, they were too easy to be true. I didn’t know I’d slowly pushed away the only person that really made me look forward to daylights. Love comes only once in a lifetime and I missed my shot.
Today I stare at an enveloped invitation letter, still sealed with a fancy black ribbon hanging loosely at one end (sure… She loved black)”
“I hadn’t been more afraid of paper as today, but fear sinks in the same way as cold, such that when you’re hit by one, it leaves you with more questions as the other.”
AJ Oti is a Nigerian writer, Lives in Calabar.
Fb: AJ Oti