“When you go there alone, he will give you more, these days he thinks I’m playing him ojoro.” My mother said. I didn’t fill the visitors’ form like other visitors but was ushered in immediately. He pulled me closer, after the normal hug, his hands found its way to my breast and he squeezed on it. I shifted listlessly and he urged me to be calm. According to him, he had been watching and admiring from afar and he thought I was big enough now, to handle a relationship with him. I wanted to tell him to go to hell but then, what will I tell my mum was the reason for my coming home without the desired result. He was the source of mum’s income and booming business and I didn’t want to destroy my mother and be the usual evil child once again. And he was as smart as an ass. “Who do I run to?” uncle Richard was as subtle and dangerous as a green snake in a green grass.
“I’ll think about it” I replied. For a start, he gave me double of the amount for the fees. I hid the other part from my mother so that she wouldn’t suspect anything fishy. I thought of running back to my father but my future seemed so bleak with him.
I couldn’t also bear how crushed I would be. My dad was now married to our house girl, one of the many maids who had refused to go back home when things had become bad; I couldn’t imagine my maid, becoming my mother and mistress of our home. I just decided to consider that part of my life dead. My once loving home and my dad. My world and head was spinning! Lizzy, I was lost!
“I have nothing to lose” I lied to myself and agreed to sleep with my mother’s boyfriend or is it manfriend? But it was a lie! I had lost everything, my innocence, my baby, my womb, I’m a murderer, killed my baby by abortion, now I’m sleeping with someone’s husband. Oh! Karma will sure come, or don’t you think? And Lizzy, I’m so afraid to face it. Neither am I able to bear the pains in my heart when i see innocent, good girls like you or when people talk about fornicators and evil girls that sleep with people’s husbands.
What hurts most is that my mother blames me for her abominable acts and crashed marriage anytime I did anything wrong.
“You this evil child” she would say, “I left my husband to make your life better, I shed blood by encouraging abortion for you! You ruined my life!!!” She would cry. And I couldn’t help but feel bad, oh, I feel so torn apart, my soul weeps. She doesn’t know what I’ve passed through too. But why is she adding blames, multiplying my guilt and pains.
Uncle Richard kept on sleeping with me and sure gave me all I wanted but as I yield my body every time, I give my empty shell, my broken self, I am dead! I was long dead before now, Lizzy, since my thirteenth birthday when I lost my innocence and womb. I just had to keep on doing it because my life was too messy to back off. And where do I run to? I have no home of mine. Uncle Richard keeps on taking care of my mother now, according to him, he is doing it because of me, yet my mother believes that I am having these and who I am now because of her sacrifices. What a world! Elizabeth my dear, never live your life for a man especially or for any human being, and always thank God for what you have.
I have left all my life’s savings that I withdrew from my account weeks before now in the kitchen cupboard. I believe it will take you through your studies in school. I know that you will definitely gain an admission this year.
Never ever, think that there is no one without a problem; they are probably experts in hiding it.
GOOD BYE LIZZY!
“No!!! No!!! No!!!” I screamed and ran out of the room to call the Nigerian Police…
To Be Contd. Next Week, Same Time, Same Blankpaperz.
Written by Edikan Akpante
My name is Edikan Imo Akpante. A student of English and literary studies department, University of Calabar, Calabar. I love telling stories. I believe that through reading a story, one can see oneself in the characters and get to understand oneself better and why her or she acts the way s/he does.